‘NEVER GO BACK’ by Dr. Henry Cloud


Have you encounter situations that you make the same mistake again and again. While some are minor,  some are just costly or disastrous.

Not only can we recognize those scenarios that lead us to making those same mistakes, we can even learn from these mistakes and thrive. This skill is one that successful people use to overcome the snare of repeating avoidable mistakes over and over.

From observations of successful people, clinical psychologist and author of “Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (Howard Books, June 2014)”, Dr. Henry Cloud has discovered certain “awakenings” that people have, whether in life and in business, that once they have them, they never go back to the old way of doing things. This awakenings changed them for the better and they thrive in life.

Just what are the key awakenings that successful people go through that forever change how they do things, which propel them to succeed in business, relationships, and life? Dr. Henry Cloud began to study these awakenings, researching them over the years.

In this book, Dr. Cloud observed 10 “doorways” of learning that high performers go through, never returning again, having learnt valuable lessons.

Dr. Cloud showed in this book that successful people never again…

1. Return to what hasn’t worked”
Whether a job, or a broken relationship that was ended for a good reason. We should never go back to the same thing, expecting different results, without something being different. Can you say ‘insanity’?

2. “Do anything that requires You to be someone You are not”
Some crucial questions to ask ourself before proceeding in everything we do :
Why am I doing this?
Am I suited for it?
Does it fit me?
Is it sustainable?”

A ‘NO’ answer to any of these questions requires us to provide a very good reason before proceeding.

3. “Try to change another person”
Realizing that we cannot force someone into doing something, you give the person freedom and allow them to experience the consequences. In fact, by doing so, you find your own freedom as well.

4. “Believe that you can please everyone”
Have you heard of the adage : “By trying to please everyone, you please no one”. So true! Once we get that it is impossible to please everyone, you then begin to live purposefully, pleasing the right people for the right reason.

5. “Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit”
Once successful people know they want something that requires a painful, time-limited step, they do not mind the painful step because it gets them to a long-term benefit. Living out this principle is one of the most fundamental differences between successful and unsuccessful people, both personally and professionally.

6. “Trust someone or something flawless”
‘All that gritters is not gold’! Yet we seems attracted to things and people that appear “incredible.” We put on blinders and overlook the tell-tale signs till it is too late. Dr. Cloud advise us to seek for good and real, instead of perfect and ideal. This world is afterall imperfect.

7. “Take Your eyes off the big picture”
No one event is ever the whole story. It is the numerous events happens in sequence that creates the outcome we are witnessing. Focus on the big picture instead of drawing conclusions from individual event, whether good or bad, diverting our attention from the goal.

8. “Neglect to do due diligence”
Never to take things at face value. Roll up our sleeve and do our homework. Our deeper, diligent, and honest first-hand look will reveal what we truly need to know: the reality that we owe ourselves.

9. “Fail to ask why You are where You find yourself”
Ever hear complains from people getting caught in many difficult situations? As outsiders, we cannot but help to see that the same common factor in all these circumstances is themselves!
Successful people always ask themselves, what part am I playing in this situation? Said another way, they do not see themselves only as victims, even when they are.

10. “Forget that your inner life determines your outer success”
We are always looking to lead ‘a good life’. However, this is often illusive. The good life sometimes has little to do with outside circumstances. We are happy and fulfilled mostly by who we are on the inside. In fact our internal lives (particularly our spiritual health) gives us direction, prioritizing our lives and contributing towards producing many of our external circumstances.

So, where do we go from here!

“Wake Up!” Dr. Cloud walks us through how to make sure we never go back, pointing to the need to look beyond ‘self help’ with some principles to make change happen. You will have to read these very important chapters yourself to best gain from Dr. Cloud’s awakening book!

May the excellent advices given in this blog inspire you to get the actual book and gain Dr. Cloud’s insight to a life that is fulfilling, with much less occasions of going back to undesirable mindsets.

Tony & Annette


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